(Please send comments to pastor_kurt@yahoo.com)
A few years back, I was on pastoral staff at a small area church. My wife and I were just making discoveries about our son’s special needs. We were only seeing the tip of the iceberg at the time. We had been very honest with our church family. For the most part, many were very supportive, though they couldn’t fully grasp the depth of bipolar disorder or Aspergers syndrome. Others were not as supportive. Our six year old son never really transitioned into the children’s class. He loved the regular nursery lady, and generally avoided a change in plans, including change in classroom. That’s somewhat typical of “Aspie” kids.
Years later, I was invited back to preach. Whenever this occurred, my wife and son normally didn’t join me. One particular time, they did, and my now nine year old headed right for the nursery to assume the position. It is there that he knew the toys, the lay out of the room, and best of all, the teacher, “Miss Mary”.
To his surprise, another lady from the church was in the nursery. Her granddaughter was about my son’s age and was upstairs in the 9 year old class. The change in teachers was not something anticipated. In fact many things seemed different from his memory of a few years ago.
Melt down in progress…warning, warning.
Frustration and confusion escalated in my son, as did the temper and intolerance of this young grandma. He was not acting the way a 9 year old should be. There was a frank exchange of differences of opinion between the two. The woman finally looked to my wife and exclaimed in front of the boy, ”He doesn’t belong here! He shouldn’t even be in the nursery!” Then she abruptly left. My son, however, took longer to settle down and was quite confused about the whole altercation. As parents, even parents of a special needs child, we honestly did not see the big issue. We were confused by an inflexible adult childishly debating and arguing with a nine year old with issues while the child reacted…well, childish too.
Many of us with special needs children have stories like this. Some experiences we get over and move on, while others are more difficult to forget or let go. Sometimes, while on our individual journeys, we encounter people who expect our children to assimilate into a neuro-typical world and behave as such… we know they can not do so. The results for our children and our family as a whole can be disastrous.
This whole idea of “unchurch” that God seems to be orchestrating is one attempt at filling a void that some of us feel in the area of not quite fitting in. Too often we feel the sting of rejection and confusion. Despite the intentions of others, whether good or bad, be assured that what church goers say and think, and what God says and thinks, are not always the same thing.
I came across a familiar passage in the Bible recently. Matthew chapter 19, Mark 10, and Luke 18 all tell the same story. Each offers a little twist to the story.
Mark 10:13-16 NIV People were bringing little children to Jesus to have Him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them.
When Jesus saw this, He was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these.
I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it”.
And He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them, and blessed them.
In our culture, this seems rather confusing. What’s the big deal? Why are people bringing children? Why are the disciples rebuking them? Why was Jesus so angry at the twelve?
First of all, it was customary on the day before the biggest Jewish holiday, Yom Kippur / Day of Atonement, that fathers would bring their children to the Temple or synagogue elders to be blessed and prayed over by them. Elders were recognized spiritual authorities in that religious culture. This would indicate that the passage in Mark 10 occurs in the fall at the time of Yom Kippur. It would seem that the heads of the households, the men, were bringing the children to Jesus whom many recognized as a Rabbi, teacher, prophet, or at least some sort of spiritual authority.
The disciples of Christ had apparently felt the Master couldn’t or shouldn’t be bothered with such mundane things. After all, in first century Palestine, children were one of the lowest on the social ladder… along with women, the sick and diseased, non Jews, and other outcasts. I can hear them thinking, ”Get these children away, can’t you see the Master is busy?!”
Jesus, however noticed this reaction, and He was furious. The word “indignant” is a very strong word in the original language. Furious may be a good comparison. So we see Jesus react to an injustice, make three statements, one of which is a teaching principle, then take three action steps. In doing all of this He places a new value system on children. He elevates them from the cultural outcast they were perceived to be, to a place of honor and recognition.
If I may put it another way, Jesus firmly commands the twelve, ”Hey guys, 1) give the children access to Me. 2) Don’t stop them from coming to see Me. (almost a redundant statement for emphasis) Why, you ask? In the Kingdom of Heaven it is the little children who are truly great.” That would be another way of saying the kingdom belongs to such as these.
Teaching principle: “I tell you the truth”, let Me put it to you this way, you will not be able to enter the Kingdom of heaven unless you enter it or to receive it or view spiritual truth the way a child would.
It seems this childhood principle is an important one. Is Jesus talking literally, as in moving back in time to become a child? Not likely since that would be impossible. Could it be childlike in attitude, maybe action? Let’s see, children are often seen as lowly; their opinions not taken very seriously. Especially our special needs children. They are also often dependant for even their basic needs. In their early state of innocence, they are usually very trusting. Of course, as growth and maturity occur naturally, lowliness, dependence and trust grow and mature as well. Jesus is speaking to adults, using children as an object lesson. He is calling us back to attitudes and actions of childlikeness. You and I should see ourselves as spiritually needy, lowly, our opinions in spiritual matters compared to God could be seen as simple and childlike. Children and adults of the Kingdom are to be dependant upon God for our most basic needs and should naturally be trusting toward our Provider.
One parallel passage in Luke 18:15 says, “People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have Him touch them.“ Talk about dependant! My favorite part of this passage is the three action steps taken by Jesus. I believe that despite the intentions of others, whether good or bad, what church goers say and think about special needs children, and what Jesus says and thinks, are not always the same thing. The response of Jesus and His new value system are a great example.
And He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them, and blessed them.
I picture Him smiling with children on His lap. This was something men did not do in public at the time. I picture Him enjoying their stories, their smiles, their very lives, as He spends individual time with each one, no matter how long that took. I can’t see Jesus pressed for time due to the long line waiting to see Him like Santa at the mall. Each person matters. Each child, even with bipolar, autism, Tourettes, sensory issues, is part of the new value system Jesus would put in place.
He then laid hands on them as a sign of affection, acceptance, then blessed them. Matthew 19:15 tells us “when He had placed His hands on them, He went on from there.” Let’s put this in context. Jesus was teaching, healing, and confronting the crowds everywhere He went. There are indications in the gospels that He was physically, emotionally, and probably mentally and spiritually exhausted from giving to those that need it 24/7. Can anyone out there relate? At some point, in the midst of ministering from region to region, He sees He can spend time with innocent, trusting, loving children. (I’m not convince every single child acted 100% lovable at the time) However, His disciples prevent the children from coming to Him. Once the interaction, teaching principle and respite are over, Jesus moves on from there. He goes back to work.
I’m not sure what your world is like, but I’m not handling one child, much less a group of them in the way that Jesus did. Honestly, at times I just don’t see a special needs child as a respite! I can’t recall a single instance where I told my wife, hey let him come to me, don’t hinder him. I’d love to spend more high maintenance energy with him after a long grueling day. I do love the time spent with my son, but it’s not always a picnic when I’m exhausted.
I am not accountable for the way others have treated my son. I have strong feelings about that, but I’m not accountable before God for their response. I am accountable, however, for my own attitude and actions. Have you discovered the new value system Jesus has placed on children and special needs children? It may be easiest to see the value in our own children sooner than the high value of other children.
Are you becoming like a little child before God with your needs and joys? How do you, your family, or even your special child(ren) handle a situation where others do not administer any value, show any patience, or demonstrate any love to your circumstances? I ask each of you for comments, and that we each “sharpen” and support each other. What works? What doesn’t?
Pastor Kurt
